Partners In Dialogue

NZ Winter

July 2005

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WELCOME
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Dear Friends,

This will be a short newsletter. In preparation for our upcoming travels to Australia, we have compiled and revised our teaching material. Therefore we didn't find the time to write some new material. But there are still many older articles that still seem relevant. Here we want to share with you “Rocking the boat”.

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INDEX
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- Rocking the Boat

- D

- Workshops and training

- Links

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ROCKING THE BOAT
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Sometimes we get to a place in our relationship where we get stuck. Stuckness is not always recognized as such. It expresses itself as a lack of joy and interest in each other, dissatisfaction, lack of honesty, energy, sexual interest and creativity. We may avoid each other and distract ourselves with TV, alcohol, food, work, etc. The relationship may feel flat and unalive, depression or aggression is in the air.

When one of the partners rocks the boat by expressing their unhappiness, change is inevitable. This can easily be interpreted by the other as rejection or a threat to the relationship. Conflict arises; fear clouds the love.

In actual fact it is another one of the many thresholds that are met in a relationship that is alive. Being on the threshold, in an impasse, is a frightening place for both. We have left our safe and familiar ground and have not yet arrived at the new place in our relationship. We are asked to let go of the "old" in the relationship, not knowing if the "new" will arise.

We may feel the dilemma very strongly. Out of fear that the whole relationship may die we are tempted to go back to the familiar, as to not rock the boat. Yet if we do, something in us has to die: our natural desire for growth. When we numb what is new and alive in us, our physical health is effected. We may develop chronic aches and pains, become more accident prone. In the end, we become resigned, disillusioned, cynical or bitter.

When one partner rocks the boat by expressing their unhappiness or discomfort, it would not be helpful for the relationship to treat it as "his" of "her" problem. This would only isolate the partners and weaken the bond. It is a relationship issue, a call for the next step in the growth process of a relationship. Imagine the relationship to be a tree that needs to shed its bark as it grows. Change is part of being alive.

"My truth serves your truth", as John Welwood says. Your unhappiness reflects the relationship’s unhappiness. If I feel supported and manage to not feel rejected by it, if I can see that change is part of the life of a relationship, I can begin to relax into the change. The relationship asks for deepening.

"Discomfort is a sign of dishonesty", says Fritz Perls. The way back to comfort is through honesty. As we become more honest with ourselves and each other, our relationship deepens. We experience more depth in our love, more happiness and well being.

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WORKSHOPS AND TRAINING
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Working with Couples

An Integrative approach to working with Relationship Dynamics

6 Saturdays (9 am – 3:30 pm) offered at 3-weekly intervals, 27 August – 10 December 2005

CPIT (Christchurch Polytechnic Institute of Technology)

This course is suitable for people who 'work with people' such as counsellors, health and welfare professionals who want to deepen their understanding and skills in working with couples.

This experiential course will provide a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics combined with developing and enhancing skills in working with couples. Examples of couple work will be complemented with theory presentations, discussions and experiments.

The philosophy of this course is based on the insight that difficulties and struggles in relationships provide an opportunity for personal development and deepened connection between partners. Working with couples is meaningful and effective when they are supported in this discovery process and claim more personal responsibility, differentiation, care and concern for themselves and their partner.

To enrol, contact:
CPIT – Weekend College, Christchurch, Ph: 3-9408448
Email: weekendcollegenz@cpit.ac.nz
www.cpit.ac.nz/weekendcollegenz

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We will be offering an open workshop at the Northern Rivers Gestalt Institute

Couple Therapy – The Journey of the Heart

An Integrative Gestalt Approach to working with Relationship Dynamics

Presented by: Rudolf Jarosewitsch & Mirjam Busch

This workshop is suitable for couples, students and practicing therapists/counsellors who want to deepen their understanding of couple therapy.

Examples of couple work will be complemented with theory presentations, discussions and experiments.

When we help couples to relate more deeply and fully to where they already are, the soul of their relationship can breathe and make room for mutual understanding, appreciation and imagination.

Date: July: Sat 30 & Sun 31
Time: 9:00am - 5:00pm
Cost: $220/200

Venue: Northern Rivers Gestalt Institute, Lismore, N.S.W.

http://www.gestalt.org.au/current.htm
* Postal: 15 Coleman St, Lismore NSW 2480, Australia
* Phone/Fax: (02) 66 213 911
* Email: admin@gestalt.org.au

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If you are in Sydney on Friday 5 August, you can come to our public presentation on Couple Therapy in the evening, organised through GANZ,.7 – 9:30pm. To make a

booking or inquire about this evening please email Danielle Kojic

danielle@designanimals.com

Phone: 612 9357 1751

For more information on workshops: www.partnering.inet.net.nz/workshop.htm

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LINKS
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Check out this free internet journal Gestalt! (www.g-gej.org) for articles on current issues in Gestalt.

For further articles and information, plus previous newsletters, please visit our Website:
http://www.partnering.inet.net.nz

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