What I've learned is that relationships are more than getting together and sharing your life. They're a living breathing moment to moment growth process for each person – in our yearning to experience true love and wholeness.
Partners In Dialogue
February 2003
Welcome to our
Newsletter
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INDEX
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-
Consciousness
- Personal Power
- Relationship
Ritual
- Money Quote
- Man and Woman in Relationship
- Feedback
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CONSCIOUSNESS
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We live in a time of what Rudolf Steiner called the “Consciousness Soul”. Self realisation lives at the centre of human development. Questions like, “who am I in relationship to others?” occupy our minds and hearts. We are getting to know ourselves through relationship with others. However, relationships with others are becoming more difficult in light of growing individualism.
How do we negotiate different needs? What do we do with the impact others have on us? In working out what belongs with me, we step back into ourselves and meet feelings of separation, aloneness and isolation. As we develop our ability to be ourselves more fully, we face uncomfortable reactions in ourselves and others. The potential for conflict is in the air.
Individualism also involves initially our rejection of norms and values which are prescribed by state and church or any other external authority. In our attempts to stand on our own two feet we want to make up our own mind of what is good, bad and just. We want to “be” and to “do” out of a place of freedom. We are surrounded by an array of conflicting ideas, ideals and expectations and meet confusion as we develop our insight and orientation.
It seems that nobody on their own has the answers to the increasing complexity of questions that accompany the diversity of problems we face as humans today. We are humbled by the knowledge that there are many truths and no easy solution. We are asked to cooperate and cultivate patience with each other in order to work together for the good of all. We are asked to develop commonly agreed ideals, aspiration, goals and values, simultaneously to responding fully to all that we are with awareness and compassion. It seems that we are challenged to become more human through work on ourselves and co-creation with others.
“How can I be truly myself and live in community with others?” is a question that shapes our human development today. We are entering a new paradigm. If we want community, we will have to consciously create community by taking a voluntary interest in each other, by letting each other's thoughts and feelings resonate and determine shared action.
Mirjam Busch
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PERSONAL
POWER
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Here I want to talk about personal
power which is “power with” rather than “power
over”. As I am personally powerful, I can let the person next
to me be powerful as well. We can stand side by side with no need for
domination or submission.
This stance of being powerful within and with each other is in particular important for male-female relationships. It is a vital task of our times to overcome abuse and victim hood. I do not serve myself, my spouse, my children and society as a whole when I place myself above or below.
How then can I realise this personal power? Byron Katie (www.thework.org) talks about 3 kinds of business we can be in, mine, yours or God's. The only area where we have personal power is our own business. As long as we want someone else to change and focus on their behaviour, we give away our power and tend to get lost in other people's business (see also: www.partnering.inet.net.nz/a/whose.htm, “Whose Business?”).
The moment I pull back to my side of the boundary, that separates and links me to you, I increase my personal power.
For example, I can be worried if someone else I might have disappointed still loves me. This is a typical way of giving away power, as I ask myself, “does he still love me?” I can make my wellbeing dependent on being loved by this particular person. Yet questioning if someone else still loves me is an indication for a particular emotional wound that I carry. No-one can do to me what I am not prepared to do to myself in the first place. And I tend to do to myself what is familiar from my past, what was done to me when I was powerless.
A way to reclaim personal power is to focus on my business and replace “he” with “I”. This changes “does he still love me?” to “do I still love myself?”
Now I have a choice, and since I have a choice, the power is mine.
Rudolf Jarosewitsch
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RELATIONSHIP
RITUAL
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This is an example for a relationship ritual by Thom Hartmann:
“You can bring rituals and ceremonies back into your life, and you'll notice an immediate change in the quality of your life as a result. They may change from time to time, they may be wholly new inventions of your own, or they may be borrowed from ancient peoples.
For example, on most days my wife and I sit and meditate for a few minutes every morning. We often take walks to an altar that Herr Mueller built in the forest near our home, and pray there. We often say grace before meals, and a special prayer before drinking a glass of red wine with Friday's dinner, reminding us of Jesus' blood and the sacrifices He made for us. We conduct a version of the Friday night Sabbath ceremony which Herr Mueller taught us (and which his mentor taught him), and take Saturday off whenever possible, using the day for relaxation, reading, discussion, and long walks in the forest around us. We give each other special attention each morning the first fifteen minutes or so after waking up but before getting out of bed, hugging and talking about the day, and reaffirming our love for each other. All of these rituals which we have created with intent, and through which we find the presence of the sacred.” Thom Hartmann, The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight, p. 299
Have you a ritual you would like to share?
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MONEY
QUOTE
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Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist. — Kenneth Boulding, economist.
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MAN
AND WOMAN IN RELATIONSHIP
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Our series of talks and dialogues on “Man and Woman in Relationship” was completed on 10 March 2003
Here is some feedback from participants:
Group sharing towards understanding and living the new paradigm of relationship that is 'conscious partnership'. A mixture of lecture style talks, open group dialogue, small group sharing and partner sharing.
Natasha Toon
This succession of talks made me rethink my way of being and my expectations in a relationship. It helped me understand past relationships better and made me look forward to new ones.
Every time I found some inspiration, came across some totally new thoughts. I am now keen to read, hear and talk more about men and women in relationship.
Frauke John
I gained confidence that a healthy intimate relationship based on willingness, friendship, sharing and honesty is possible.
I feel inspired after hearing of Mirjam and Rudolf's own experience in their personal relationship.
Amrita
Information and greater understanding about the dynamics of man and woman in relationship will help me progress and grow in my present relationship. I have ideas now that I would like to put into practice and lots of material for discussion with my partner.
Thank you!!
I really enjoyed the section on what men want and what women want. To hear feedback from everyone in the mens group made me feel less isolated. We shared very similar ideas and feelings. Also I thought the course could be longer.
Jade
I have liked the open warm and mutual way you both engaged us and made us think.
I had expected a more counsellor focussed programme but found these evenings also enjoyable.
Thank you
Rita
What
I've learned is that relationships are more than getting together and
sharing your life. They're a living breathing moment to moment growth
process for each person – in our yearning to experience true
love and wholeness.
This (course) gives all the nuts and bolts of living a successful conscious relationship.
Richard
Topics covered included:
Marriage in Crisis - Love - Sexuality - Old Ideas & New Ideals - Towards Mutuality
Mirjam Busch & Rudolf Jarosewitsch
For more information: www.partnering.inet.net.nz/s-chch.html
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FEEDBACK
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Feel free to reply and have your say,
we intend to include reader's comments on upcoming issues of this e-mail newsletter
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Wherever you are,
we wish you a wonderful Autumn/Fall or Spring, rainy or dry season
and peace for all
Arohanui
Rudolf
Jarosewitsch & Mirjam Busch
Relationship Counsellors
Telephone – 64-3-3885292
email
– rumijabu@inet.net.nz
For further articles and information,
please visit our Website:
http://www.partnering.inet.net.nz
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